The first PT (Physical Therapy) appointment was interesting, to say the least. "Jeff" wanted to know how I'd injured my leg and what difficulties I was experiencing. He did an overall evaluation of my knee, including looking at the MRI films. Then we started the exercises.
To say that it was tough is an understatement. It didn't take me long to figure out that the hardest part of starting PT wasn't doing leg lifts or riding a stationery bicycle. The highest hurdle was relaxing the inhibitors in my brain to allow my bad leg to move.
Oops, Jeff says I'm not supposed to say my "bad" leg. I'm supposed to say my "involved" leg. :-)
Actually, when I arrived for this first PT appointment my upper back was so tight that I was having trouble moving at all. I mentioned it to Jeff and asked if he might be able to give me some pointers about my back at the end of the session. He was non-commital and concentrated on my involved leg :-) for the entire session. Nevertheless, I discovered that as I relaxed my brain and thereby my leg, it didn't take me long to realize that my entire body was relaxing. Evidently as I focused on building up the muscles around my involved knee, the nervous energy or whatever it was that was affecting my back was being drained away. At least whatever was causing the pain in my back was no longer being fed. By the time our hour was over I felt as if I'd been given a whole new body. The tiny seed of hope was beginning to sprout!
Of course nothing in this life worth having comes easily. It was no surprise that Jeff told me I needed to do the various types of exercises throughout the week at home. He told me I needed to be consistent - twice a day, ten times each, leg lifts with ankle weights, the "Jane Fonda" move, leaning back against a ball, etc. It was a lot. I received the instructions with joy and contemplated meeting the goal Jeff set for me with relish. I was absolutely certain that if I just followed his directions I'd be back on my feet in no time.
As a matter of fact after only two days I felt progress. I was able to walk straight and strong and the pain in my back had not returned. I guess my whole body had been reacting to the crooked way I was walking. I was no longer walking in fear and despair. The results were enough to keep my dedication strong. My first return PT visit was an uplifting event. I felt that things were moving along and Jeff complimented me for my faithfulness to the exercise regimen. I hadn't missed a single time. I figured a day would come when I would slide, but for now the rewards came fast and the compliments flowed freely so I kept up the routine.
At various times as I went through my workout, I would laugh at myself and speak to the Lord. Okay, Father, having an injured knee can't really be a slowing down technique. All we've done is add a twice-a-day exercise schedule to my life. I guess the discipline you built into me over the past year with serious weekly deadlines wasn't enough. I thought we made plenty of progress through that writing assignment, but this slow student must need more discipline. Please release me when I've got enough. ;-)
After a few weeks though I hit a wall. No, not a literal, physical wall. I just got to a point where I felt I couldn't go on. I was still being plagued by topical sensitivity and the painful discomfort continued sporadically. There was no rhyme or reason to when it would incapacitate me. Even though I'd been faithful to follow all of Jeff's directions, I wasn't seeing the kind of results I'd expected. During one of my PT sessions I poured out my discouragement to Jeff and could barely hold back the tears. As we moved around the various equipment he did his best to encourage me. The floor exercises were coming along, but I was still using only four pound weights. The time on the stationery bike felt good, but I'd had to give up using the exercise ball. I confessed that my commitment to the exercises was waning, caused mostly by the lack of ongoing improvement.
It was during this interchange that I realized that I'd placed all of my hope for recovery in the program Jeff had laid out for me. I'd figured that if I was perfectly faithful to his directions I would see steady, consistent improvement. That simply wasn't happening. The lack of obvious improvement was deflating my commitment. Faced with the realities of my situation, I had to admit that I'd built my trust on the wrong foundation. It was possible that I could follow Jeff's exercise regimen the rest of my life and never see sufficient improvement. It was a dramatic wake-up call for me.
As Jeff and I reconsidered the situation with my involved leg, neither of us were satisfied with what was happening. He gently suggested that it might be a good idea if I got a second opinion on what was going on with my knee. What we'd been doing, while it had provided some improvement, wasn't accomplishing what we'd hoped. There were still too many symptoms remaining to settle for the knowledge we had up to this point. It was definitely time to seek further assistance. I said yes to getting a second opinion and before I left the building Jeff had arranged an orthopedic appointment for three weeks hence.
Suddenly a whole new world of possibilities opened up to me. Maybe this new doctor would find something specific that he could repair quickly. After all, I'm an American. Don't I have a right to a speedy resolution to any problem? All the shows on TV tie everything up nice and neatly in 60 minutes, unless it's a TV movie and then it might take a little longer. Seriously, a new level of hope did spring up in the light of this new direction. I was looking once again for the light at the end of the tunnel, the sun coming up over the horizon.
The PT program provided by the therapist, although it brought some relief, was an inadequate foundation for my entire prognosis. The Lord had used the PT to show me that I needed more discipline in my life. Thank you, Lord. Now it was time to find out what else He had for me. I began to wonder in how many other situations I had trusted solely in the human dynamic and set aside the spiritual reality. Thank you, Lord, for showing me that I need to build my trust on the proper foundation. I turned to the Lord in my new awareness and asked Him to help me trust Him in every aspect of my life. I asked Him to help me trust Him first and foremost and not just in the spiritual realm.
More importantly, I had again reached the end of myself. I was doing everything I could think of to bring about or at least assist in my own healing, but to no avail. I called out with Jehoshaphat in 2 Chroncles 20:12, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you." Thank you, Lord, for showing me that You are the one I need to watch for and follow. The Lord came in and showed me His power and might - but that's for the next installment of this parable.
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