I tested this process once several years ago. I introduced myself to a small group of people as a nun who had recently left the convent and taken over the principalship of a Catholic school. The way the other members received the information was reflected in their behavior. They crossed their arms, leaned back in their chairs, and dropped the coarse language they'd been using. It was really quite remarkable.
Just so you don't wonder, after a few minutes I did tell them of my charade and shared my true identity as a fourth grade teacher in a public school. It was a good case in point though for our discussion because the gathering was meant to uncover and address the relationship barriers between administrators and teachers.
Building a manikin of another person through various pieces of information and relationship experiences could be seen as a fairly harmless. Criteria for just such activities abound in the world today. Pick up any newspaper and you'll find a horoscope that will tell you someone's character and future based on their birthdate. Library and bookstore shelves are filled with titles that commit to report on similar topics based on birth order or family history. There are various programs that promote the idea that a person's life experience will determine who they are and how they live.
Alcoholics Anonymous and their related groups are among the best known in this area. Broad brushes are easy to find to paint people into one category or another: bi-lingual, bi-racial, multi-cultural, MK, PK, homeschooler/public schooler/private schooler, only child, single parent, drug addict/recovering addict, victim, homeless, elite, haves/have nots, etc. The list may be endless. The problem is that putting anyone into a pigeon hole automatically curtails or eliminates any other aspect or potential. Let me quickly say that I'm not against considering some of the descriptions included with these 'labels'. The problem comes when the 'label' takes over and the individual disappears.
I've witnessed the results of this dynamic all too often. People respond to others out of the conclusions they've drawn about what that person is thinking or feeling, saying or believing based on the superficial model they've constructed. Cases in point: a man abused by his alcoholic father is expected to become an immature adult, a woman with a poor relationship with her mother expects all older women to treat her poorly. This perspective is just flat wrong, harmful, painful, and can disrupt lives. More importantly, it is ungodly.
When considering how to 'evaluate' people as a basis for relationships we need to look into God's Word. The Father begins right away in Genesis to let us know who we are. We are created in His image (1:26,27) Yet the creature is not equal with the Creator. If we need evidence of this, chapter 3 reports the sad entrance of sin into the world, our hearts and lives. The rest of Scripture is filled with the ill and painful effects of the Fall. However, the testimony of God's grace and mercy abounds.
Psalm 8:5 was penned well after sin entered the world. It declares the position God has granted to Man. You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. Psalm 139:13 attests the Father's gracious attention to the creation of each individual. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Verse 1 of the same psalm informs us that God knows ALL about us, from the inside out. Ephesians 1 declares that God chose to oversee every detail of our lives even before His acts of creation.
It is glorious to contemplate the high and lofty position where God placed Man, at the pinnacle of creation, and to consider that each of us is tended by His loving and powerful hand throughout our lives. We must remember to temper this understanding with the knowledge that sin has infected us and causes all kinds of consequences in our lives and relationships. The Bible has much to say on this topic as well.
Ezekiel 18 could be the most enlightening statement concerning the practice of painting people with the brush of generalizations. The Lord begins by condemning any further use of the proverb quoted in Israel, The fathers eat sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge. He goes on to explain that each person is responsible for their own sin and life before Him. The concept is encapsulated in verse 20, The soul who sins is the one who will die. The chapter concludes with this plea.
"Therefore, O house of Israel, I will judge you, each one according to his ways, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!"
We can gather information about a lot of things, but our lives are an individual, personal, between-my-God-and-me issue. We don't need to look to any outside factor for an explanation or excuse to be able to understand somebody. We need to see them the way God does: created in His image, broken by sin, and needing His forgiveness and reconciliation. As we grow in this ability we will more fully grasp the direction given in 2 Corinthians 5:16,17.
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Paul encourages God's people to develop His mindset as we approach and get to know people. The delightful side effect, if you will, of nurturing this view of others is that its Truth also applies to ourselves. As surely as God's directions free other people from the constraints of my faulty evaluation of who they are, they free me from the constraints others would try to place on me. Hallelujah, what a Savior!
If this glimpse has touched you in any way, I encourage you to meditate on all of 2 Corinthians 15. May the love of God guide you in your own walk toward heaven. Amen
