My morning started off pretty well even though my night's sleep was interrupted a few times. I made my way to my quiet spot and began my devotional time with my heavenly Father. Psalm 17 starts off fairly straight forward. It's a prayer of David and begins with his request that God would hear his plea.
Okay, I'm with you, David. I need God to hear my prayer too. My lips are without deceit as are yours and I know my vindication before the Father comes only through His Messiah. So we're on the same footing.
However, my heart starts to quail a bit at verse 3, "... though you test me, you will find nothing; I have resolved that my mouth will not sin." I perform a conscience check and something is amiss. My eyes travel on to the end of verse 5 "My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped." I can go no further. What is it, Father?
The Spirit confronted me about truth years ago. I rarely slip on that one any more so that's not the issue. By God's grace I've developed a tighter rein on my tongue. James 1:26 I thank Him for causing me to seek forgiveness for a sharp remark I made recently, but that doesn't clear the deck. What's the outstanding issue here, Father? I'm serious about my resolution to keep my mouth from sin and to serve you with a clean heart. Psalm 51
The Spirit reminds me of some pretty ugly remarks I'd made in the last week. More than the words come back to me. I am forced to face the hideous condition of my heart that fed my sinful comments. I immediately throw myself on my spiritual face and cry out for forgiveness. Isaiah 6:5 comes to mind. Thankfully the closing words of 1 John 1 fly into my mind and I am overcome with gratitude and thankfulness, love and praise to God for His faithfulness and justice to grant forgiveness to ME. Amen
The work doesn't end there. There's more to learn so I search deeper. What caused me to make those unpleasant comments, Father?
The truth hits me like a ton of bricks. (Please pardon the cliché.) I was unhappy - quite a shallow feeling. Okay, I was frustrated, disappointed, discouraged and feeling helpless to change the circumstances in which I found myself. I wanted my own way and couldn't figure out how to get it. So I turned to my human nature and blamed someone else. Wrong ... wrong ... wrong! Genesis 3:13 echoes in my mind and I am devastated.
The full weight of what I'd done washes over me. I recognize the danger and can't believe I've moved into it. God is in control of all things ... ALL things. By blaming anyone else for my situation I am implying that they have power in my life. Yes, of course lives are affected by relationships, but God is the one who directs my days. NO BODY can interfere with His plans for me. Jeremiah 29:11 I return again to the sweet relief of 1 John 1:9. My soul rests in the One who knows me better than I know myself and is actively intervening into history to prepare me for eternity in His presence. Hallelujah!
I purpose that next time negative feelings come at me like the kings who joined forces to annihilate Jehoshaphat I will follow his example. I will fight off fear and discouragement by remembering that the battle is God's and not mine. I will submit myself to the God of all creation, stand firm, and look for His deliverance - resting by faith that this is His will for me. 2 Chronicles 20, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Thank you, LORD, that the only person who heard my words was my husband Curt. I'll be sure to share this glimpse of your grace with him and ask his forgiveness as well. Please do cause me to avoid this trap in the future. Though the purification process is uncomfortable, even painful at times, I want to be a clean vessel to serve you and bring glory to Your Name all my days. Amen
2 Timothy 2:20,21, Hebrews 9:14; 10:19-25
