Parable of the Knee, Glimpse #5

The best and most exciting part of this point of the saga is that the diagnosis came within one week from finally getting an appointment. God had moved in miraculous ways through the medical community to bring me to this position. I was elated. Curt came with me as we went to hear the verdict about this annoying health problem. I'd put it off for a long time. Then when I knew I needed help it took some time for me to find the way. Now I was on the verge of getting the information I needed to take the steps to get my knee back to the way it was before the injury.

Dr. M came into the room and greeted us. He took the MRI films and put them on the light box. We were not surprised by the usual hemming and hawing we heard as he considered the images in detail. The good news came first, "Well, you have good strong bones. Just a little bit of wear that's normal for your age." (I wasn't exactly sure what that meant.) Still no surprises there. He looked a bit longer then flopped down onto his stool with a sigh. He blurted out the bad news, "This is the worst possible scenario." I was shocked as I stammered, "What do you mean?"

"See these little dark patches here? They show that your meniscus, the little pad on the inside of your knee that sits between the lower and upper leg bones, is completely deteriorated at the center." Again I stammered, "Isn't there anything we can do about it?" "No, if it were torn or something I could operate and repair it. I can't do anything with this. The center of the meniscus has no blood vessels. It can't heal itself and I can't fix it." The absolute finality in his voice was obvious, but I'm no quitter.

"There must be something we can do," I pleaded.

"No, not really. There isn't anything anybody can do," Dr. M reiterated.

It appeared that my life as I knew it was ending. I wasn't about to just walk out the door and settle for this "worst possible scenario" without a fight. "Would it help if I exercise?" I needed to know if there was anything I might be able to contribute that would improve my situation. Dr. M wasn't about to be baited into any type of real hope. He made a tentative offering, "Well, I suppose you could strengthen the surrounding area somewhat. Just take a sock and put a couple of soup cans in it. Hang it over your ankle and use it like lifting weights."

I really wanted some details, "Do you have any kind of information I could read or directions I could follow?" He took a couple of minutes to shuffle through folders on the counter. He handed me a sheet with drawings on it with a face full of hopelessness. It seemed that he was already preparing to meet his next patient. I still wasn't grasping the full impact of what he'd told me.

"What does this mean about my future?" I needed to know what the medical establishment was giving me for a lifestyle. He was happy to share his prognosis, "Oh, you'll be able to get around and when it finally tears or shatters you can come back and I'll repair it for you." My life as I'd known it passed before my eyes. It felt the way people who've had near-death experiences express it. I followed Curt out past the receptionist and to the car. I'm not sure I even said good-bye to anybody. I think I held my breath for about a mile down the road. I was having trouble processing what just took place.

First, I tried to get a hold of the dramatic turn of events and my reaction to it. I'd gone into the appointment figuring surgery of some type would be recommended. I would not be happy about the pain and recovery time, but it would be worth it to correct the problem. That hadn't happened at all. I'd been released from the need to set aside a hospital date, change my schedule for the recuperation period and actually go through the pain and discomfort. That was a good thing, right? So why was I so disturbed? What a fickle people we humans are.

My next round of thoughts followed this path: Okay, my meniscus is rotten at the core and there isn't anything I can do about it. It can't heal itself because it doesn't have the potential to do so. This one little part of me has massive influence on my entire life.

I was left with no hope for my future, either short or long term. I began crossing things off my list: enjoying days off with my husband, skiing with my grandchildren, walking with a friend, working in my yard, sightseeing, etc., etc., etc. It began to feel as if I had no real life left and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Hopelessness overwhelmed me. I thank God that He never leaves me in that place!

I turned my situation over in my mind. Fresh insights began to flow into me. Many of the aspects of the diagnosis took on fresh meaning. The meniscus was rotten at the core, just as my soul had been dead in sin. My meniscus was not able to restore itself, just as I was not able to heal myself from my sinful position before a holy God. There wasn't anything I could do to even contribute to my healing, just as my redemption from sin was solely up to God. Dr. M couldn't do anything to help me, just as Mankind couldn't do anything to heal my relationship with my Father. The problem I had with one little part of my body was affecting my entire life, just as the one "little" problem of sin had kept me from the abundant life. Though the Lord didn't give me relief immediately, He began to use the loss and discouragement to teach me.

A smile did not come over my face, but I was thankful to come before my Savior and Lord - to thank Him for His healing blood that cleansed me from all unrighteousness, to sit in His presence in this newly recognized "laboratory" where He wanted to teach me about Himself and His love for me, and so much more. The circumstances did not evaporate, but the knowledge that I was and am the chosen child of the loving, triune God was more than enough to keep me. And oh, the glorious things the Master has and is showing me in this ongoing parable.

The report doesn't end here. I admit that I spent a fair amount of time in the Pit of Despair. Being a regular human being who lives in a fallen world there were plenty of reminders of what I'd lost and how dear it was to me. My own powerlessness would sweep over me from time to time as well. There were days when the spiritual battle was biting and bitter. I can't tell you that I've been the bravest or most skilled member of God's army through it all. I can tell you that there are many twists and turns yet to share with you. I can also tell you that God has never waivered. His faithfulness has carried me along day-by-day, step-by-step, and moment-by-moment. Maybe I should have titled this the Love Story of the Knee. :-)

Okay, I'll give you a hint about the upcoming Glimpses. Curt and I have bought passes for the upcoming ski season. I've also purchased a lovely lady's cane. I trust those two pieces will keep you coming back to discover more of what the Lord is revealing to me through this Parable of the Knee. No, slowing down was definitely not the lesson God had for me. It is so much richer!